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The Nine Commandments - Disputations
Posted by Jeff (Wednesday January 23 2008 @ 09:15PM EST)
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 I have no idea what Christians like, what they advocate, or what they stand for. Oh, I know what they're against. They're against abortion, gays, Hollywood, liberals, evolution, Modernism - hell, the Enlightenment for that matter. They can't stand assertive women, interracial dating, provocative clothing and alcohol. I mean, who doesn't like beer? They would rather hang Moses' Ten Commandments on a court house wall than the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus blessed the meek but the Christians don't want that message on a wall. No, sir. They want the old Jew's list of ten things you can't do.
If you're going to post a list, how about ten things you're for instead of a bunch of shit you're against. Nobody needs a list to know you shouldn't bang the neighbor's wife. You wouldn't want him banging your wife, so maybe don't bang his. Christians are downers, man. Here's my list:
The Atheist's Nine Commandments:
1. When you see a puppy, scratch it behind the ears. They like that.
2. Beer is great! If you're buddy's broke. Help him out. Buy the poor guy another beer.
3. It's a good idea to exercise. You'll feel better and you'll look better.
4. Support artists, artisans and craftsman. They need money for puppies, beer and gym memberships, too.
5. In a market system, there will be winners and losers. It's best for everyone if you help the losers.
6. If she has a great ass, then, yeah, you ought to stare.
7. Maybe laugh every once in a while.
8. Honesty is far more interesting than a lying - far more.
9. Stick with your team no matter what. Nobody likes a bandwagon fan.
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By Greg (Friday January 25 2008 @ 03:35PM EST)
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If you're going to post a list, how about ten things you're for instead of a bunch of shit you're against. Nobody needs a list to know you shouldn't bang the neighbor's wife. You wouldn't want him banging your wife, so maybe don't bang his. Christians are downers, man. Here's my list:
Um, youporn has plenty of vids titled "my wife enjoying..." or "...with my wife", etc. Rule 34, man. I think there are plenty of people out there who not only don't mind the neighbor banging their wife, but who dream of it.
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By Greg (Sunday April 20 2008 @ 10:54AM EDT)
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Hello??? Where is everybody?
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By ktoab (Saturday May 03 2008 @ 11:49PM EDT)
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List tendered from a practicing believer.
1) Puppies. The other white meat. Just kidding..they're tough and chewy.
2) Atheists. Cool. Question everything (kudos to the apostle Paul..a dude who was pretty smart and also said a lot of scary shit I don't agree with).
2.5) No one fries for saying "shit".
3) Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and the Rev. Wright can line up and shampoo my crotch.
4) Jesus hung out with hookers, thieves and the dregs of society. If he were roaming the planet today I believe he would open a serious can of whupass on the "Christian" right. His message was simple: Do good stuff and don't be a judgmental idiot. That got lost somewhere.
5) Beer is great. Good cheese makes it better. A well prepared Italian meal with a red peasant wine is better still.
6) Laugh your ass off with your friends whenever possible...especially when the joke is on you.
7) Sometimes when I'm on a 40 mile ride and the wind is blowing in my face I get pissed at God. Sue me.
Yeah, we're not all idiots but we seem to be over-represented in the media by those who are.
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Enlighten me, Marge
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The most formidable weapon against errors of any kind is reason.
-- Thomas Paine
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We Did Our Job!
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