Remember Heath Shuler? He was a great quarterback for the University of Tennessee. In 1994, the Washington Redskins selected him with the third pick of the NFL draft. He was able to turn an exceptional collegiate career into a nine-year $19.25 million dollar NFL contract. Washington dumped him after three years and ate that guaranteed money. ESPN labeled him the 17th biggest bust of all time. Now he's running for congress. This is great. The attack ads practically write themselves, "Heath Shuler: if he can't avoid a pass run, how will he evade lobbyists for special interests?" This where NFL experience comes in handy, silly. When the lobbyists charge, he'll shit his pants so none get near him then toss the ball to the competition. Don't worry about Heath Shuler. He'll fit right in with Congressional Washington.

In Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum (left with man-dog) trails Bob Casey by fourteen points. In order to turn his fortunes around, Santorum double-dared him to a debate. Bob Casey thought long and hard about his double-digit lead and smugly declined. No matter. Rick Santorum was gonna debate somebody - anybody. He wanted a debate partner so bad he had his campaign staff help Carl Romanelli gather signatures in order to appear on the ballot. Remember when the Republicans wanted bomb brown people in Iraq? They could have diligently gathered and evalutated intelligence information. Instead they just made shit up. That's more or less how the Romanelli signature drive went. Republican operatives who assisted the Green Party candidate just made shit up. His petition was filled with the likes of Terri Schiavo, Mona Lisa, Ronald Reagan and Mickey Mouse. On Monday, a judge withdrew Romanelli's petition. No matter. Santorum debated him anyway. Did this guy have any friends when he was growing up?