Utah Alcohol Laws - Blog Day Afternoon Posted by Jeff (Thursday November 03 2005 @ 09:56PM EST)

Far from prohibitive, Mormon drinking laws are designed to get you plastered. One beer at a time: Did this ever happen: The waitress asks you if you'd like something else. A quick survey of the table reveals that your beer is two-thirds empty. It took her a while to fetch your last one, so you promptly order another. This time she returns with a freshie in about twenty-five seconds. In most of the country, you sit there with two beers. It's slightly awkward but no big deal. In Utah, the Mormons forbid concurrent beers. Rather than waste it, you chug it. Welcome to Utah. No drinking and dancing: On the east coast, people frequently dance with a drink in their hand. Beer bottles have tiny little holes in the neck to encourage this sort of behavior. Mormon law strictly forbids drinking and dancing. Sure, you could set it aside and get a groove on, but it costs five bucks and you don't want to lose it. So what do you do? - you chug it. Welcome to Utah. Last call for alcohol: The Mormons shout last call at 12:45 am. If you hit the clubs at 10:30, then you have less than an hour and a half to drink. If you drink at a sensible pace, that's enough time for a beer and a half. Nobody's going out for a beer and a half. So what do you do? - you chug! Welcome to Utah. Pitcher pounding: Mormon law strictly forbid pitchers for parties of one. The most beer one person may have is a single liter. You may split a pitcher with a buddy but - as the saying goes - beer is not purchased, it's rented. I don't know what happens if one of two people leave the table for the bathroom, but who wants to risk losing their beer. So what do you do with the the pitcher? You chug it! Frankly, these laws would have really concerned me ten years ago. Between skiing, tennis and 9000 feet of altitude, I'll have little energy for more than a couple 3.2% Mormon beers. (But just in case, I plan to slip a couple Victory Dark Lagers into the state...)

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By Dyl (Friday November 04 2005 @ 03:28PM EST)

Those magic panties Mormons look mighty frisky. Are you sure they're really LDS?

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By Jeff (Monday November 07 2005 @ 01:21PM EST)

Q: How many Bush Admin. officials does it take to replace a faulty light bulb? A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?

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By carolyn (Tuesday November 08 2005 @ 10:08PM EST)

Now, now...be nice to Mormons. It can be kind of lonely, after all.

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By Jeff (Tuesday November 08 2005 @ 11:36PM EST) Here's the scary thing: there's a Sweetpea1 and Sweetpea2. [ reply | parent ]

By Ben Palmer (Tuesday January 01 2008 @ 04:55PM EST)

First of all, it's state laws, not "mormon" laws. Secondly, I think it's funny that it's okay to slander a mormon in this country, but it's faux pas to be racist or persecute any other major faith. So basically, I respect you, so I'd appreciate it if you respect me and my faith. Thanks.

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By IFSJOHN (Friday January 04 2008 @ 11:31AM EST)

Actually, they are mormon laws. Just as anywhere else, the elected officials are representative of the majority of the voting population. That's why they're called representatives. This is rarely more exclusively evident than in places like Utah where every law, regulation or proposal reeks of having come directly from the Mormon church. As far as "slandering", well, it isn't actually slandering but I know what you are trying to say. As for me, I don't discriminate, I will make fun of Judaism, buddist, muslims, catholics etc. It just so happens that the front runners, and the easiest, are the born again evangelicals and Mormons. Hey look, if I start walking around with a bra on my head carrying a goat and wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants, then I need to expect to be made fun of.

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By Heidi (Thursday May 08 2008 @ 10:56AM EDT)

I've noticed that a lot of people like to talk sh*t on Mormons, but I'm sure most of you don't know anything about the people or the religion. No they don't have horns, no they aren't polygamists, and no they don't wear magic underwear. This underwear that you speak of is mainly symbolic just like tons of other things in different religions. No IFSJOHN you are totally wrong! They are not mormon laws. And Jeff you are also wrong about drinking and dancing. I went to a club a couple weeks ago where there were quite a few people dinking and dancing...at the same time too. Wow, you all need to get your facts straight before you spread these false rumors. One thing I do agree with...UTAH alcohol laws are ridiculous! No more Long Island Ice Teas! No more mixed drinks! And they think this attracts more tourists...they are out of their minds.

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By Surf Rat (Saturday June 21 2008 @ 02:09PM EDT) actually the underwear is supposed to be magic, occasionally stopping bullets, keeping the torso from getting burnt, and protecting the wearer from even dirtier thoughts than he's (she's) already dealing with. but that has nothing to do with the weak beer. [ reply | parent ]

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