Soccer Made In America - Blog Day Afternoon Posted by Jeff (Wednesday June 23 2004 @ 09:09PM EDT)

In the rest of the world field hockey is contested by men. In the United States, it is played by little tiny school girls during fall term. Soccer appears destined to follow suit. American women are already more competitive than American men. While the ladies captured a World Cup, the men perhaps know how to wear one. The sport's best known face belongs to a woman. Her name is Mia Hamm. Ask an American to name a male soccer player and you'll probably hear "Pele." He was a Brazilian who played in New York in the mid-1970s. For all I know, he died years ago. Televised soccer has drawn less than 1% ratings since 1998. The 2003 Championship game was seen in just 702,000 households. Soccer is rarely mentioned on sports talk radio. When it does make the air, the topic is always the same: Why Isn't Soccer More Popular? This conversation never lasts long. Why should it? Soccer is duller than John Kerry covering his own ass. Nobody wants to watch a group of primates not-use-their-hands together. Pick up the fscking ball and run with it. Soccer fans like to defend their "sport" on the basis of physicality. The average soccer player runs four miles a game, they say. If that's true, then they're plodding along at 2.6 miles per hour. BFD. The true test of endurance is in the stands. You sit through ninety minutes of non-action only to be treated to a tie fifty percent of the time. As an American, I wear an aversion to the "sport" as a badge of honor.

< Pattern Matching 101 | I Never Saw That Coming >

By ktoab (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 07:10AM EDT)

....anxiously awaiting Spaniard's take on this. Hopefully arguments here will stand on their own "soccer merits" and not slide into a barrage of "yeah well (insert least favorite sport here) sucks worse" volleys. As for my take Jeff and I now agree on 4 things out of a kabillion instead of 3.

[ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 08:01AM EDT)

Americans like football, the rest of the world does too, albeit a different version. If I grew up in this country then I would probably like the American version better also. Arguing over which sport is better is a pointless activity. Our preferences are dictated by what we are exposed to during our formative years. I grew up in Europe and was exposed to countless hours of "futbol" and cycling, hence my interests in these sports as an adult. When watching soccer games between European club or national teams I usually understand the rivalry and what is at stake and that's what makes the game enjoyable. I can't watch MLS games or women's soccer. Why? For the same reason that you'd fall asleep watching an NFL Europe game between Barcelona and Frankfurt: the skill isn't there and the game means nothing to me. I will say that the US men's team is now ranked 9th in the world by FIFA, reflection of a skill greater than just knowing how to wear a cup (soccer players don't wear them).

[ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 08:34AM EDT) Soccer makes no sense to participants. What I don't get is this: In the early days of soccer, before there were codified rules, somebody touched the ball. At that point, some jackass said, "You can't use your hands." The world is full of idiots. I understand somebody somewhere will want to turn back the evolutionary clock 61 million years. The first thumbs were found on squirrel-like critters 60 million years ago. What I don't understand is this: Everbody else agreed. "Yeah, you can't use your hands!" What am I, a Cenozoic ground hog? I'll use the thumbs the good Lord evolved me with, Mister. Soccer makes no sense to fans. In football, you make noise when your team's defense is on the field. You try to throw off an offense's rhythm, eliminate its ability to audible and create a hostile environment in which it has to work. In soccer you sing songs. [ reply | parent ]

By Riesz Fischer (Monday June 28 2004 @ 07:35PM EDT) American Football is televised around the world (on certain occasions) and when the players come out of the game (which is practically every other play) they sit on the bench in front of an air conditioner and suck on an oxygen mask. It's almost as embarrassing as our current "president". What a joke. At least soccer is a real sport. [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Tuesday June 29 2004 @ 09:06AM EDT) I would think that expect most humans wouldn't require oxygen after jogging an average of 2.6 mph for 90 minutes. Now pushing a 300 lb man three yards to the right is a different story. [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Tuesday June 29 2004 @ 11:08AM EDT) It is only a different story when you are in that bad of shape. Your description of the running in soccer is laughably inaccurate. Soccer involves constant sprinting from almost all players that is only done occasionally by receivers or running backs in football. Plus there is lateral and backwards running that is far different than forward-only running that track athletes do. Plus there is jumping and the twisting of the body when trying to kick while turning... And still no oxygen tanks for soccer players... [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Tuesday June 29 2004 @ 11:43AM EDT) I must have told you a BILLION times not to exaggerate. If adequate runner can sprint 16 miles per hour, then the soccer player who's "sprinting constantly" is running 24.5 miles a game. [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Tuesday June 29 2004 @ 12:40PM EDT) Depends on what you mean by constantly, obviously. Comapred to the time spent sitting around by Footall's big-gutted players, soccer players sprint constantly. [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Tuesday June 29 2004 @ 04:16PM EDT) It depends on what I mean by contant? I parsed that phrase from your message. Thus spake MattC, "Soccer involves constant sprinting..." [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Tuesday June 29 2004 @ 04:52PM EDT) Let me introduce you to the figure-of-speech known as hyperbole... [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 09:20AM EDT) While the Spaniard and I share a common interest in the game (and he better be out there at lunchtime today!), I grew up in the US and I would rather watch soccer than football because I enjoy playing soccer over football. The latter is a game of tactics and brute force and the former is a game of finesse and strategy. I only became able to enjoy watching football when I started betting on it through fantasy football. Admittedly this was fun, but then I used to enjoy creating characters for Role Playing Games, and this whole Fantasy Football thing is very similar. Now certainly football does have its moments of finesse - perhaps a receiver leaps across a defender to catch a pass in the end zone, while dragging his foot within bounds before falling out, scoring a winning touchdown. Unfortunately those moments seem few and far between, with most of the time being spent handing the ball to a guy who runs two yards before a bunch of other guys jump on his ass. In soccer, I see equivalent moments to those catches every 10 minutes of play time (did that guy just switch the ball across the field with his back to the pass receiver with a single touch from his left foot?!?!?!?!). And as the Spaniard points out, you don't see them during DC United games, but you do during Manchester United or Barcelona. I do admit to having a negative impression of football due to my anti-corporatism within the arts and sports. I do not like corporate rock and I do not like corporate sports. A football game is one hour of play time, yet the game lasts at least three. What happens during the rest of that time? Commercials! Football as a game evolved with television, and without television, football would not be popular. Soccer does not fit well into the mold of mass media and the television, hence the lack of support for it by corporate America, and thus the lack of support for it by the people. The football games broadcast on television are paid for by the advertisers, and soccer doesn't lend itself to interruption for advertisement. But it is actually playing the sport that drives my interest. While Jeff will extol endlessly his football, and how it makes him feel superior to the world's soccer fans, he will always be doing it from his couch or the stands. The Spaniard and I will actually be on the pitch... [ reply | parent ]

By Anonymous (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 09:25AM EDT) this comment may be the only thing more boring than soccer [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 09:35AM EDT) Matt's theory ignores the fact that football was first popular at the high school and college levels before it became popular at the pro level. Television coverage became necessary because there were more fans than seats. When Michigan was drawing 80+ thousand fans, pro football was attacting a few thousand. BTW: "Pitch" is a quick lateral to a running back who catches the ball with fingers and thumbs that are the manifestation of 60 million years of evolutionary progress. [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 03:44PM EDT) Everyone knows soccer players got more pussy than football players during college and high school. Hell, the *BAND* gets more pussy than the football team. Football players are limited to swapping the same skanky chicks - cheerleaders. And this is when the band isn't using them. [ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 09:58AM EDT)

Jeff, go to England and attend a Manchester United vs Arsenal FC game and then maybe you'll get it. Oh, and by the way, just using your feet is quite a skill. Given my experience playing football and yours playing soccer, I bet you anything that I'd be more likely to be an asset to a pickup football game than you would to a pickup soccer game.

[ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 10:10AM EDT) If Manchester United played Arsenal FC on "No Beer Allowed" night, then those fans wouldn't get it either. BTW: Last time I checked, you don't tackle with your feet... [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 03:44PM EDT) Check again... [ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 10:20AM EDT)

Same could be said for a Jets vs. anyone game. I'll take you on a 1 v 1 soccer game to 5 goals and I guarantee you I'd beat you 5-0. I bet you couldn't beat me 5 TDs to 0 where we have a common quaterback and we take turns playing offense and defense. And you're a few inches taller than me. My point being, that soccer skills are much harder to pick up than football skills. I don't ever remember some track and field guy ever making the transition to a professional soccer team. But that happens all the time in Football.

[ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 10:37AM EDT) I'll concede the soccer game. (I last played in gym class in 1980) If I understand your challenge, that means I have to beat you 5-0 in football. If I get to pick the quarterback, then I'll accept the challenge. But I don't think height will be the defining factor, it'll be weight. You're going to have to bring down 185 pounds, Mister. [ reply | parent ]

By beakesm3 (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 11:20AM EDT) Oooohh pick me, pick me. Jeff I wouldn't concede the soccer game, unless Spaniard included a goalie [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 01:20PM EDT) Beakesm3, I know you're a good quarterback but I was going to pick Krazy. He may have lost a little zip on his fast ball but he still managed to break my thumb last fall. [ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 11:45AM EDT) I'd be fine with whatever quaterback you picked since he'd be my quaterback too. I would just ask that he be neutral. As far as tackling, I thought this was going to be a game of touch or flag. OK, now start calling me a fairy. [ reply | parent ]

By beakesm3 (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 10:46AM EDT)

I played both soccer and football when I was younger. Organized Football was by far a more endurance driven experiance. When playing soccer put on an extra 25 pounds and sprint (not jog) 25-40 yards down feild, turn around, sprint back, listen to the next play, with only a 15 second break, and do it all over again. The other things that make football go longer is the clock stopping for incomplete passes, and stepping out of bounds, and Ref time outs for measuring. Soccer has some of these same delays, but the clock keeps ticking. You still make up the time at the end. As far as track people making the transition to soccer vs. football, why would they go to soccer for 50-100grand a year, when they can goto football and make millions?

[ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 11:32AM EDT) Soccer players make millions, not 50-100 grand. Unless you're talking MLS, which is like talking NFL Europe. I doubt those NFL players make much either. Real Madrid, to name one team, has several players that make $10 million a year. Salary is irrelevant. Look, if you can run really fast and have good catching ability, you have a might have a chance of turning into a wide receiver or corner back. Soccer skills are acquired by playing early and often. It's kind of like hockey. There's now way you're going to pick up skates and a hockey stick at 19 and be playing in the NHL in a couple of years. Same with soccer. Professional players have been playing since they were young kids. Comparing the 2 sports is just silly. They both require athletic ability and different skills. One is not better than the other. One appeals to the entire world, the other just to North Americans and Jeff just doesn't get. That's his problem. [ reply | parent ]

By Funkman (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 11:44AM EDT) Some are still young kids [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 02:19PM EDT) It speaks volumes that a 15-year-old can play soccer professionally. Give me a break! [ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Friday June 25 2004 @ 08:44AM EDT) What speaks volumes is that a 350 lbs fat-ass could only be a professional athlete in football and maybe Sumo. [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 03:48PM EDT) The extra 25 pounds on the football players - is that their guts or the padding they wear? [ reply | parent ]

By The Pragmatist (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 11:41AM EDT)

General questions: Who is considered the "Leader" on a soccer team? Is it the star or a particular position, e.g, goalie? Does the coach wear Motorola headphones and communicate with his observers upstairs?

[ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 11:52AM EDT) There is a captain, but he isn't necessarily the best player or in a particular position. The best teams are the ones that can play as a team. There's been many attempts to assemble a team of all stars and they seem to fail miserably. The coach does not wear headphones or have any observers upstairs. I would say a soccer coach is very much like a basketball coach. He has a certain idea of how the game should be played and he tries to instill it in the team. During a game, he's got to hope that the team plays in the fashion that he expects them to. Since there are only 3 substitutions that can be made during a game, he waits for certain situations to come up in order to decide who to substitute. Since these are permanent, he better make the right ones. [ reply | parent ]

By The Pragmatist (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 12:02PM EDT) Doesn't sound like a very effective military outfit to me. See, in America, we need strong leaders and generals. Teamwork is great but you need a hierarchy. Given the choice between a soccer team and an American football team storming the beaches at Normandy, I think you'd have to go with Am. football. [ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 12:24PM EDT)

Hmm..I guess I'd have to pick football over cycling then also. Lance and the boys wouldn't look too intimidating storming the beaches wearing lycra and cycling shoes.

[ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 01:30PM EDT) The soccer coach is going to call the play in England. Then he'll send the team across the channel for an assault on the beachhead. The football coach is going to have a staff of coaches each in charge of a particular area of expertise. He'll design the master plan in England and distribute relevent parts to his staff. Each part will be carefully coordinated to work with the others. Then he's going to send some of his men across the channel for an amphibious assault. Simultaneously he'll pound the beach with offshore artillery, cut supply lines with airforce bombings, capture strategic positions with paratroopers, all the while he's running diversionary tactics up and down the coast. Once he's solidified his position, he make adjustments at halftime. [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 03:42PM EDT) Of course, he will only be successful if the enemy will stop defending every 15 seconds to allow him to move troops around, resupply, and give new commands to his untis in battle. [ reply | parent ]

By OperaGuitarist (Thursday June 24 2004 @ 01:54PM EDT) The only benefit of sending Lance, et. al. is that they always beat the German(s) over the mountains. ;-) Of course, only three of the U.S Postal team going to the Tour this year are fromt he U.S. IIRC. [ reply | parent ]

By Felipe (Wednesday May 25 2005 @ 10:41PM EDT)

soccer is the best sport, u need intelligence,you also need to be in good shape. it cant be compared to anything else, like for example baseball or football wich should be call handball since you dont use ur feet and its play by a group of fat guys hitting each other, thats what we got boxing for. and whoever said pele was dead, are u stupid or something? he's alive and is known all over the world, go to anywhere where in the world and say the name tom grady, they are going to be like what the hell? soccer is also spreading really fast in the us in a matter of years is going to be the most popular sport.

[ reply | parent ]

By the man (Thursday May 26 2005 @ 09:05AM EDT)

Another ill educated sherman talkin shit about something he knows nothing about. american sports teams all have about 50 players who change all the time because there to stupid to be able to do two things at once. american "football" the only sport in the world were someone like william perry could be considered an athlete, ha fukin ha. mind you he is one of the slimer trailer park boys, lol

[ reply | parent ]

By soccerfan333 (Friday June 24 2005 @ 11:55AM EDT)

soccer is most definitely the better sport nothing compares to it you must have everthing possible to achieve athletic greatness and 4 billion hullagans couldnt be wrong

[ reply | parent ]

By Gumby (Tuesday September 06 2005 @ 01:19PM EDT)

Dear Jeff, I have no problem with watching American football on television but while im doing it guess what else im doing, juggling a soccer ball. The only reason soccer isnt such a television sport here is because it wasnt made for precisely that purpose. Please leave soccer alone because pretty soon its going to be the most popular sport in America just like it is every where else in the world!

[ reply | parent ]

By Funkman (Tuesday September 06 2005 @ 01:23PM EDT) Right .... just like how the metric system is in wide use in the US. [ reply | parent ]

By MattC (Tuesday September 06 2005 @ 02:03PM EDT) That comment was 10cm wide on my screen. [ reply | parent ]

By sam (Thursday August 16 2007 @ 11:42AM EDT)

Fat dudes padded like mattresses so they wont get hurt calling soccer players panzies is soooo ironically funny. Further, NFL has been so commercialized it is ridiculous. What are there, tight ends, receivers, QB's and RB's who can actually get the ball and do something? Really narrows it down, doesnt it. Must take a f'ing genius to read the offense when only 5 guys are capable of getting the ball. Baseball is even more pathetic. Fat dudes who run 50 yards and occasionally make contact with the ball. Give me basketball or soccer any day, REAL me play offense AND defense and dont get 5 minute delays between plays. They also dont use a bunch of roids for the sole purpose of being dinosaur sized linemen. Aussie rules footballers are far better balances of athleticism, endurance, stamina and strength. No pads, either. Real men, indeed.

[ reply | parent ]

Post a Comment

Name: Email: URL   Remember my information (uses cookies)   I would rather be anonymous Comment: * HTML tags are allowed. * Your email will not be made public. * LINK SPAM WILL BE DELETED!