So Ttam calls me a furniture fag. He does this, presumably, because I've purchased furniture from a contemporary American designer. These purchases were not driven by latent homosexuality, rather by heterosexual instinct. I'm married now and it's not uncommon for a man to provide a hospitable environment for a woman. When I was single, second-hand furniture filled the house; it was butt-ugly and practical. Many items didn't even make the cut. TV stand?--just set it on the floor. Coat rack?--that's what the other chair is for. Flatware? Don't make me laugh. If I actually prepared food, (grilled-cheese sandwiches on the day before pay day) then it was cooked in disposable tin-foil baking pans and served on Dixie paper plates. With no dishes to wash, my sink collected dust.

Ttam's point, I suppose, is that homosexuals buy furniture beyond that which is practical. Ghey guys want style. Like many stereotypes, there is an element of truth here. The ghey community spends a lot of money on appearance. The problem is obvious. They waste way too much cash in an effort to impress other men. With a few helpful tips, they could save a lot of money.

Okay queer guys--you know who you are--here's some advise from a straight guy. If you want to impress men, forget about furniture. Guys will sit on milk crates as long as you have the NFL ticket. And a clean livingroom makes it hard to relax while a football game is on. Before your guests arrive, throw some dirty laundry around the place. That says, "Don't worry about beer spills. The place is already a wreck." Don't spend a lot of time on lawn work, either. Guys don't like walking far and long grass says, "Park here."