Birkenstock Liberals - Blog Day Afternoon Posted by Jeff (Wednesday October 08 2003 @ 10:48PM EDT)

Soccer Mom became a prominent demographic during the 1996 presidential election. Clintonites saw her as an antidote to Angry White Man. As the next election promises to be closely contested, both parties have turned their attention to a new demographic: the NASCAR Dad or, as I like to call him, Angry Drunken White Man Whose Head Turns In One Direction. People spend a lot of time categorizing people. Television networks are obsessed with 18 to 35 year-olds; political parties are obsessed with people with children: Soccer Mom, NASCAR Dad, ghey guys going through the motions in Texas. Yet nobody cares for Smarmy, Smart-assed, Married, English Bulldog Owning, Child Hating Guy? I felt left out. Earlier efforts to wrap a large political affiliation into one convenient term failed to pique my interest. One attempt considered food and drink preferences. Remember Chardonnay Liberals? They ate brie and drove a minivan to Junior's soccer game. In other words, pansies! Chardonnay is a whimpy wine with no character. A guy in a minivan might as well tattoo "Pussy Whipped" on his forehead. And if Junior plays soccer, then ... well, let's just say there is a minivan in his future. Then you had Volvo Liberals. Conservatives tried to denigrate them with the stigma of paternalism. Afterall, their large Swedish tank was manufactured in a socialist country. "Volvo Liberals want cradle-to-grave health care," they shouted with derision. But Volvo Liberals shrugged and drove their Swedish tanks to the nearest coffee shop. They did want cradle-to-grave health care. And they might do something about it if not for the fact that they already had health care coverage. Plus the coffee was really good. But a new demographic emerged this summer, the Birkenstock Liberal. The term surfaced when reporters noticed a high count of sturdy German sandals at rallies for Howard Dean. Could it be? A demographic reserved just for me? I wear Birkenstocks from sping thaw until late autumn snow. On top of that, I'm more liberal than Matt. Then again, so was Franco; but I'll take what I can get. Still it seems odd that political affiliation can be determined on the basis of consumer choices. I had to test this premise with a rock solid methodology that I like to call anecdotal evidence. I trolled Matt on IRC: jeff: Do you own a pair of Birkenstock sandals? matt: no. Hmmmm, perhaps they are onto something... The Wednesday Night Beer Drinking Club that meets on Tuesday nights is split along two ideologies. Cher, Jeff and Monz sit on the left side of the American political spectrum and Matt sits on the wrong side of it. Shoes could offer explanation. Matt's laced up tight while Cher, Jeff and Monz have free toes a-tapping. And if you're toes are tapping, then you're not going to vote for a couple of stuck-up sticky beats like President Cheney and Vice-president Bush. No sir-leen-a Bobbit! You're going to vote for a Man of the People, a guy with whom you'd like to share a beer, a man like Al Gore Ralph Nader.

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By kevin the one-armed boy (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 06:46AM EDT)

What was your political slant when you wore red suede Puma's in 1975? Mine went nicely with my WIN button.

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By Jeff (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 08:15AM EDT) Let's just say I always sided with Meathead and never with Archie... [ reply | parent ]

By Mark (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 07:41AM EDT)

I am in line behind Matt on the Birkenstock issue. My pure white sneakers are always laced up, loosely. One speck of dirt and those sneakers hit the trash.

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By Jeff (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 11:43AM EDT) Mark is not kidding. He does throw out sneakers once they get a splotch on them. He needs a pair of down to earth Birkenstocks with a comfortable cork sole that can mold to his foot, attached with leather straps for open air comfort so that his toes can breathe. On any of the three occasions where President Cheney relaxes in a calendar year, he's seen in crisp, clean, spotlessly white basketball shoes that he discards the second they get a splotch on them. [ reply | parent ]

By Spaniard (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 09:42AM EDT)

You know, I really think you are on to something. I own TWO Volvos (used mind you) and believe we should have cradle to grave healthcare. I wonder how Apnar feels about having "Pussy Whipped" tattooed on his head. After all he does own a minivan and drives his kids to soccer. Does that make him part of a new demographic called "Pussy Whipped Mini Van Driving Soccer Dads"? I actually think he could be the poster boy for this demographic. One last question, if I start driving my daughter to Soccer Practice in my my Volvo Station Wagon, do I also qualify for that Tatoo? I hope not.

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By Byron Sander (aka Apnar) (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 10:27AM EDT) Alas, I knew as soon as I drove the van off the lot there was no turning back. I was doomed from that second forward. No more Mr. cool Dad (not that I could officaly say that before the van) and no more fantasies of bright red sports cars (at least until my mid-life crisis). Plus the added ridicule (whether internal or external) that van owners feel when washing the "family truckster" in the driveway before taking my daughter to soccer practice. [ reply | parent ]

By Basque (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 10:49AM EDT) I must break the demographic by owning a Volvo and being a conservative. [ reply | parent ]

By Tom (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 10:28AM EDT)

How are you more liberal than Matt? I thought he was the fan of Hayek.

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By Jeff (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 10:47AM EDT) Simple: Matt voted for Dubya, I did not. [ reply | parent ]

By Tom (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 11:02AM EDT) Since there weren't *any* liberals running in 2000 I'm not sure how to take this. [ reply | parent ]

By Tom (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 11:06AM EDT) Allow me to rephrase that Since *no* liberals ran in 2000, I'm not sure how to take this. [ reply | parent ]

By Matt (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 11:38AM EDT) Who did you vote for? That was the one time in my life I voted for a Republican. I succumbed to the swing-state nonsense and betrayed my past of only voting for Independents or Libertarians, on the fear that Algore would increase the size and power of the government, start running a deficit, and commit our military to die in unprovoked wars in various foreign shitholes. I won't make that mistake again. [ reply | parent ]

By Matt (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 12:06PM EDT)

Jeff constantly presents the canard that He, Cher, and Monz, are "liberal", and "left", and stand opposed to me as the "conservative", on the "right". I reject those labels, finding them rather empty. The most important difference between our views is that I do not think it moral to force someone to do something against their will, or to steal from them, even if it promotes some notion of "greater good". My view on force is that it should only be used to defend one's self. E.g. it is OK to use force to stop someone from assaulting you, but it is not OK to use force to take property from someone because you think you can put it to "better use". If this makes me a "conservative", or on the "right", then so be it. But then that puts Dubya, and Ashcroft, etc. on the "left". The Trotskyist roots of many "neoconservatives" shows this isn't as absurd as one might at first believe. As for the Birkenstocks, Jeff is too closed-minded. I own two pairs of open-toed shoes, which I've worn many times to the Tuesday sessions. They just aren't Birkenstocks, shoes I've always thought reserved for pretentious crunchy folk. I wear a pair of black sandals and flip-flops. I just don't wear them in the cold. Socks and sandals? I don't think so.

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By Jeff (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 12:51PM EDT) I should also point out that while Cher, Jeff and Monz wear Jesus shoes, it is Matt who actaully advocates religion. [ reply | parent ]

By Matt (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 01:38PM EDT) Jeff confuses defense with advocacy. I've never advocated any religion. [ reply | parent ]

By Julie (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 12:54PM EDT)

Mooooooooo. Mooooooooo. Create a demographic and people will start to define themselves as such. Remember the Bible? (And other religious texts?) First there was the word. The power of a label is infinite. Alas, the loss of The Individual.

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By Jeff (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 01:01PM EDT) Us Birkenstock Liberals resent your comments! [ reply | parent ]

By Julie (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 04:04PM EDT) Now I've done it: I've managed to tick off the Conservatives AND the Liberals. What could be next, oh what could be next? [ reply | parent ]

By Tom (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 03:07PM EDT) Mooooooooooo? For a brief moment I thought the animal-rights activists were showing up to take on the Birkenstock wearers. Alas, it was not to be. [ reply | parent ]

By doctordoug (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 03:46PM EDT) How many birkens does it take to make a pair? [ reply | parent ]

By Tom (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 03:55PM EDT) Is any number acceptable? But the real problem is the soles are rubber which presumes a dependence on Middle Eastern oil and therefore supports terrorism. Also, jute is involved in the insoles with the cork. I don't know about you, but I draw the line at walking on ancient germanic tribesmen. Yeah, I know the poor Jutes. It's always Anglo-Saxon this and Anglo-Saxon that. What about the f*cking Jutes? Huh? What about em? You don't have a good answer do you? Think about it next time you leave out the Jutes, you bastard. [ reply | parent ]

By Anonymous (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 04:21PM EDT) I feel the rantings of a mad man. [ reply | parent ]

By Tom (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 04:31PM EDT) Is it madness to want a people to get their fair shake? I hope it hasn't come to that. Our goals in the Jute Defense League are simple: For starters we demand that every spoken and written reference to Anglo-Saxon be appended with -Jute. Thus: "who cares about the opinions of a bunch of dead anglo-saxon-jute white males?" This applies retroactively. [ reply | parent ]

By Ancient Germanic Tribesman (Saturday April 17 2004 @ 01:18AM EDT) Jawohl! [ reply | parent ]

By Julie (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 04:00PM EDT) Sorry to let you down. I was making a reference to bovines, which can be easily herded any which way. (As a sidenote: Could increasing consumption of hormone-infused-cow milk making humans even MORE cow-like? Got Milk, anyone?) [ reply | parent ]

By Tom (Thursday October 09 2003 @ 04:01PM EDT) I'll let Joe handle this one... [ reply | parent ]

By Joe (Tuesday October 14 2003 @ 04:55PM EDT) only if you're interested in more efficient lactation... right back at ya... got milk?? [ reply | parent ]

By Hy-Brasil (Saturday April 17 2004 @ 01:26AM EDT)

What about us oxford guys who can't stand to be near bright white shoes?

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By Kitmeout (Monday February 06 2006 @ 11:43PM EST)

Heidi Klum, supermodel and wife of singing sensation Seal is now an international footwear designer too. Heidi Klum has recently finished her 3rd footwear collection for Birkenstock. This collection, according to Birkenstock, is her most glamorous take on Birkenstock sandals to date and includes: Madrid “Diamond” feature metallic grained leather uppers in gold or silver appliqued with rhinestones and crystal hearts. “Saphire”, Heidi‘s two-strap sandal features two-tone metallic leather uppers, adorned with rivets and rhinestones. This style is available in three colour combinations: gold/silver, pink/silver and green/blue. All sandals had their traditional cork-latex footbed covered in matching metallic leathers and come with a silver plated Heidi Klum pendant. An objective on-looker might deduce that Birkenstock are moving away from their traditional “eco-conscious” and “green” customer base and are attempting to woo a new affluent and trendy customer who would easily empathise with the glamourous profile and, indeed, lifestyle of Heidi Klum and Seal. Let’s face it, the traditional Birkenstock customer has probably never even heard of Heidi Klum and is more likely to empathise with Ghandi or St Francis. So is this a conscious decision by Birkenstock to move away from their traditional “carrot-crunching” customer base or are they simply attempting to be all things to all people? The latter is perhaps the more plausible answer and who can blame them for wanting to achieve global dominance just like every other high-profile brand. Nonetheless, part of us all longs for a brand free from celebrity and stardom, a brand pure, free and simple — a brand reminiscent of the “hippie” era. Birkenstock used to be that brand. Maybe a new celebrity-free “Brand Messiah” will come forward and fill the void — suggestions in writing please.

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