What???--you're still pedaling to work like a stinkin' limp-wristed fairy? I'll bet the women are climbing all over each other for a ride on that thing.... Now hold still so mommy can wipe your nose.
Good-bye to all that! Chicks will be cat-fighting for a chance to BE SEEN in this beauty! It may be slightly used, but beggars can't be choosers. Follow my methods and you'll be trolling so many babes, you'd swear this thing had a Mister Microphone on board.
HOLY SHIT! look at that dump!! Let me guess, the rat on the end is your kid sister. Do you even speak English? Well don't worry about a thing. No English, NO PROBLEM! We've got translators willing to help...
TA DA! Consider it stately YOU Manor. With just a little training, you'll leave urban squaller for suburban bliss. And these aren't working-class suburbs, no sir! Here you'll meet many more important contacts!

LISTEN: I know what you're thinking. "Jeff, I'm a COMPLETE MORON! How could I possibly achieve all that wealth? I can't count past twelventy-one. How can *I* make it in business?" You are an IMBECILE! Who said anything about business? Besides my methods are GUARANTEED! All you have to do is POINT A FINGER! "But Jeff, I lost my fingers due to Type-II diabetes!" NO PROBLEM! You can hold a laser pointer in your teeth.

"Okay Jeff, sign me up! What do I have to do?"

Now that I have your credit card number and personal information, HERE'S how it works. There is a little known provision in Federal forfeiture law which provides FINANCIAL COMPENSATION for people who rat-out other people for smoking pot! You can make up to twenty-five percent of the value of the confiscated goods. "Wow!"

Wow, indeed.

Here's the best part: There person you ratted out doesn't even need to be convicted. All you have to do is provide PROBABLE CAUSE for the forfeiture. The Federal Government will do the rest! "But won't they get their property back if a jury finds them innocent?" IDIOT! Weren't you listening to a damn thing I said? PROPERTY has NO RIGHTS! If the government siezes it, then the burdan is on the forfeiter to prove the siezure was without merit.

"But how will I know who to rat on? How will I know if they actually have drugs?"

You'll know they have drugs, because you put them there! Let me explain it so that even a MORON can understand:

If you are SICK of riding around in this...	...then just roll one of these...	...stick it in this and call the FEDs!