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Men's Heath And Fitness - Blog Day Afternoon
Posted by Jeff (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 08:48PM EDT)
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My last formal instruction in weight training was presented by my wrestling coach in 1980. While that may seem like yesterday, reliable sources tell me I'm an old fart. Given the evoloutionary progress of all human endeavors, I've long held a feeling that maybe life had passed me by. So when Matt mentioned two magazines he reads, Men's Health and Men's Fitness, I decided to purchase a copy of each to see what I was missing.
Matt's magazines did provide useful information. I learned, for example, that weight training is now a prefered pasttime in the ghey community. If you're secretly ghey but considering an overt switch to the other side, then these are the magazines for you! Just trotting them up to the cashier is like coming out of the closet. They're similar to men's softcore magazines like Maxim, FHM or Stuff. Just replace scantily clad women with scantily men.
In 1980, the last year I recieved instructions in weight training, the worst thing you could say to a person was this: "You fag!" I don't know why. Being ghey wouldn't be that bad. If you date a guy the same size as you, then your wardrobe is instantly doubled. Nobody is going to tell you to change the channel when Monday Night Football comes on. And most important, you can leave the toilet seat up. What I don't understand about ghey guys is this: they are always well groomed. If I'm away from my wife for a week, I don't bother to shave ... maybe I'll shower, maybe I won't. Now consider ghey guys: two men living without women, I'd expect the place to look like a neolithic cave. Yet it never does.
The problem is this: there are too god damn many colons in this piece. When it's complete, I'll go back and edit them out.
Actually, the problem is this: In 1980 we called ghey guys "fags" so naturally they didn't want to hang out with us. It's no wonder they never learned how to be men. They were off on their own, tidying their rooms and playing with melon-ballers. To make amends, I'd like to offer ghey guys this lesson: How To Be A Real Man
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Deep-six the fscking cologne. You spend -- what? -- five seconds putting that shit on every morning. That's lost time. You don't get that shit back. That's five more seconds you could spend scratching your nuts in bed.
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Speaking of nuts,it's perfectly acceptable to scratch your balls when no ladies are present. But notice, I said your balls. Nobody wants a helping hand on this one.
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Immediately when you get home from work, throw your clothes on a pile in the corner. (Straight guys -- you know who you are -- back me up on this one. My wife reads this blog. Repeat after me: "Yes, we get home and throw our clothes in the corner.")
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Would it really kill you to drink a beer or ten and sprout a big ol' gut? Quit showing the fsck off. Ghey guys are in such good shape they've sprouted a cottage industry: Fag hags. These are chicks who hang out with ghey men despite NO CHANCE OF GETTING LAID! "Real" men drink beer and rely on the desperation of women.
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Finally, now that you guys are "real" men. This is most important. The funniest joke in the world begins: "Pull my finger..."
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By Matt (Friday June 13 2003 @ 10:14AM EDT)
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For the record, I only have subscriptions to the American Conservative and Reason. I did purchase single copies of the magazines Jeff mentioned. Men's Fitness seemed a little ghey; mainly it lacked the hetero sex and fashion advice found in Men's Health. Men's Health is more of a "Cosmo" for straight guys, or a grown-ups version of Maxim or FHM. The only health advice was common sense sort of stuff (work out more, don't eat junk food). Speaking of Maxim - that was the original purpose for me to go into the rag shop, as it featured pictures of Russia's gift to men, the pop-group Tatu. The other magazine I walked out with was Wine Spectator, and of the four I purchased and read, it is the only one I would consider reading again.
Unless Maxim features another set of Tatu pictures. Khui voine!
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By kevin the one armed boy (Friday June 13 2003 @ 10:48AM EDT)
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I believe the last periodical I bought was an issue of Gettysburg Magazine. It's wildly popular as it eschews pictures of buff, trendy people and instead goes into painstaking detail in regard to battlefield command and tactics, terrain, troop movement and all sorts of wonderful Napoleonic battle minutiae. It must have a subscription base of at least tens (I own every issue BTW). There are some pictures of uniformed long-dead guys but I think that's as close as it gets to the Maxim genre.
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By Thomas Jackson (Friday June 13 2003 @ 02:29PM EDT)
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Are you a Gettysburg buff -- or entire ACW? And, I really think the tactics of the armies in that war are better characterized as Jominian -- although von Moltke (the elder) is said to have summed up the ACW as "a horrifying collision between armed mobs," which I think probably apocryphal.
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By Mcgill (Friday August 26 2005 @ 06:54AM EDT)
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Not only from magazines only but u can learn variety of health and fitness realated tips online. can't you?
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By tash (Sunday September 25 2005 @ 08:48AM EDT)
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its really good
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By Macgrath (Tuesday September 27 2005 @ 12:30PM EDT)
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You can maintain fitness by just having proper diet and excecise. you cn find many resources of fitness on internet. For men's Fitness swiming is the best choice.
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Enlighten me, Marge
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The most formidable weapon against errors of any kind is reason.
-- Thomas Paine
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We Did Our Job!
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