Worst Blog Ever - Blog Day Afternoon Posted by Jeff (Tuesday June 10 2003 @ 11:03PM EDT)

It amazes me that some people make it to adulthood without a working knowledge of the handshake. Offer your hand, give a slight squeeze and shake a few times. How freakin' hard is that? Some guys give you the limp shake. I hate the limp shake. You have to look down to make sure you actually have hand. Did I miss and grab shirt? Am I shaking this guy's sleeve? WTF? Of course you have guys at the other extreme. They consider handshaking is an olympic sport. For them, "Hi, how are you?" is really: ready ... set ... wrestle! Another rudimentary concept that some people don't get is the rhetorical question. "Hi. How are you?" Well my boss just blah blah blah, then the blah blah, blah... STFU! I really don't care. That was a rhetorical question, a salutation if you will. Unless you just won the lottery or got laid for the first time, I don't give a shit. Hillary Clinton is now pretty much everywhere. In the book stores, on magazine covers, on television, you name it. We're supposed to feel bad because her husband got his dick sucked by the intern. I'm thinking Hillary doesn't like to suck dick, the intern does, what's the problem? People subcontract menial chores all the time. The biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats is this: Republicans like to start illegal wars, Democrats like to bone the intern. Ronald Reagan fought a war in Central America which he financed with illegal arms sales to Iraq. Bush the Younger supplied falisfied information to Congress in order to justify a campaign in Iraq. On the other hand, Bill Clinton had his Willie sucked by Monica Lewinsky and JFK was balls deep in the intern. Ironically, the latter "crime" seems to piss off more Americans... I fscking hate Krazy Glue. I keep buying the shit because a guy hung himself by his hard hat off an i-beam. Personally, the only thing I ever glue is my fingers. As far as I can tell it doesn't work on anything but the epidermal layer. If you re-shoot that ad and glue the guy's head to the i-beam, then I believe it. Here's some advise. If you only listen to one thing I tell you, then listen to this: Don't ever, ever, apply Krazy Glue then use the urinal. As they say in Britain, "that's a sticky wicket." So there you have it, the worst blog entry ever. You may want to offset that with what has been regarded as The Best Blog Entry Ever.

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By Anonymous (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 08:14AM EDT)

Somebody please just shoot me now. I can't believe I clicked on "Worst Blog Ever."

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By kevin the one armed boy (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 08:18AM EDT)

At least no cats died in the creation of this entry (as far as I know anyhoo, for all we know Jeff has a Humane Society EZ pass card). Hillary lies so bad her dogs don't come when she calls them for dinner.

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By Jeff (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 08:53AM EDT) One-Armed Boy is correct based on a conceptual technicality: failed attempts only result in cats that haven't yet died. Mrs. Clinton does just about everything but take care of business. Chris Rock is right. Monica should have crawled under that desk and found Hillary already under it. "What are you doing? I got it..." On the other hand, George W. Bush should be sticking John Thomas in the intern's mouth. He's in greater need of a hummer than any white man alive. [ reply | parent ]

By Comic Book Guy (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 10:16AM EDT) Worst . . . Blog . . . Ever [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 11:15AM EDT) "Please tell me Comic Book Guy is not a grown man." -- Mark (Friday April 25 2003 @ 09:46AM EDT) [ reply | parent ]

By Comic Book Guy (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 03:15PM EDT) Not grown. Just animated. [ reply | parent ]

By Matt (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 04:14PM EDT)

Jeff loves to play the partisan. Democrats don't like to start illegal wars? Well what was Vietnam?!?!?!?! And the Bay of Pigs invasion?!?!

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By funkman (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 05:14PM EDT) Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania, Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson, Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British politician sex, JFK blown away, What else do I have to say? [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 07:00AM EDT) You don't see a difference between Vietnam / Bay of Pigs (war?) and Iran Contra / Bush the Youngergate? [ reply | parent ]

By Matt (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 11:21AM EDT) Nice strawman. Of course they are different in all sorts of ways but they were all illegal wars! [ reply | parent ]

By Matt (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 02:20PM EDT) Oh, and before I forget, what about the illegal war against Yugoslavia? Partisan politics suck. [ reply | parent ]

By Jeff (Friday June 13 2003 @ 07:33AM EDT) Well your case against me doesn't hold water. I'm a registered Republican.... [ reply | parent ]

By kevin the one armed boy (Wednesday June 11 2003 @ 09:02PM EDT)

Billy Joel. Thinker of deep thinky things. Writer of stinky songs. I can envision Martha Quinn circa 1982 on MTV in her best Bananarama wannabe get-up announcing... "that was Billy Joel with his new hit'What would you rather do? Slide down a 50 ft. razor blade or suck all of the snot out of a dog's head until it caved in'. Alas, I digress.

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By Comic Book Guy (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 11:14AM EDT) I think Kevin the one armed boy has missed his calling in some kind of creative writing someplace else. [ reply | parent ]

By Mark (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 11:18AM EDT) Yeah, A gay bar bathroom wall. [ reply | parent ]

By kevin the one armed boy (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 01:32PM EDT) Mark The Troll Mark the troll lived in a large dung pit with his incontinent wife Betty. Every day Mark would toil away the hours slapping together piles of mud and sticks to make fake cheeses for his large smelly wife that she in turn would sell at the Faux Food market. To pass the time Mark would sing this song. ish nit kabibble, all the day long ish nit kabibble, I fondle my schlong ish nit kabibble, I wish for a life but I make the fake cheese for my fat hairy wife One day he got hit by a wildebeast and was rendered immobile. At night the sand weasels came and ate his intestines. The End [ reply | parent ]

By Mark (Thursday June 12 2003 @ 02:23PM EDT) WOW, what great creative writing! Do you dispense the coffee or make it? [ reply | parent ]

By Fancy Dirt (Wednesday November 09 2005 @ 04:39PM EST)

Hay! I thought my family had a secret blog they were hiding from me! You didn't know how good I am at finding things, did you?

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By John Turk (Tuesday November 22 2005 @ 02:54PM EST)

it doesn't amaze me most ppl become a grown-up one without the flair of handshake as it is often caused by the case it mainly occurs since ppl are most likely prone to give a strapping true handshake if it's addressed to a known one. otherwise you are bound to expect the famous pansy handshake

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