Eighteen to thirty-five - Blog Day Afternoon Posted by Jeff (Monday June 09 2003 @ 10:52PM EDT)

If you can't find a single program that is offered by a major television network which offers some appeal, then you're not eighteen to thirty-five years old. Television conglamorates started programming for that age group because sponsers wanted to reach that demographic. Even on Friday and Saturday nights, all programming is designed to appeal to young people who are not watching TV. They're out trying to get laid. In explanation, Dr. Rosalyn Weinman of NBC told the Village Voice that media buyers would rather reach just one 18-35 year old than four forty-somethings. The official line from media buyers is this: You old farts are set in your ways, therefore NO GOOD TV FOR YOU! You're going to buy Krazy Glue because you've always bought Krazy Glue and nothing we can say will change that. The reality of course is this: You old farts have fallen for every line of false advertising we can think of, therefore NO GOOD TV FOR YOU! Krazy Glue fscking sucks. The only thing you're going to glue is your fingers. You know this. Nothing we can say will change that. This is accurate to a point. No longer in the precious demographic, I don't watch Twenty-four (24?) with Matt and Funkman. I watch 60 Minutes with the old farts. And in some regard advertising has pushed me past the point of no return. There are some products that I will just never buy. Why? ...spite. Their ads annoyed me while I enjoyed my health, hair, and youthful glow. So why shoud I buy them now that I have money? For example, I will never buy Charmin. Fsck Mister Whipple! I'll squeeze the God damn toilet paper if it pleases me. And fsck you ladies for listening to him. He's fifty and he stocks shelves at the Pantry Pride. If you meet a woman in a bar the first question she asks is this: So, what do you do? If you give her the wrong answer then the conversation is over. If you tell her, for example, "I stock shelves at the Pantry Pride." Game over! She moves on to the guy with the Audi keychain. Yet all the women stopped squeezing Charmin because Mister Whipple told them to. (Scrunch your face when you read the italics) Yeah, right! Another product I will never buy is this: Calgon. I don't even know what that shit does, but if the box says "Calgon" I'm tossing it across the Pantry Pride. Do they even make Pantry Pride anymore? Seriously, I don't know. I'm over thirty-five and nobody tells me shit anymore. Fsck Calgon. You can shove that ancient Chinese secret up your ass! Two women used to sit on a porch, a mother and daughter. They share a laugh and a moment of intimacy. "Mom," the daughter confides, "I don't always feel as fresh as I should." In response, the mother reaches into a rose bush and yanks out a box of Masengil disposible douches. "Here, shove this water and vinegar up your twat!" There's another product I haven't purchased due a stupid advertisement. To date I've had no need for a douche, but if I ever require one, you can bet your ass it won't be Masengil. Ron Popeil was on television. He played pocket pool with a fisherman. The man sold a mini rod and reel that you were supposed to carry in your pants pocket for that uncontrollable moment when the urge to fish got the best of you. Strolling along the East River? Hey, Pocket Fisherman! There's a mud carp with your name written all over it. What kind of douche bag is this guy? It's bad enough that I got to tell the chick in the bar that I stock toilet paper at the Pantry Pride, now Ron Popeil has a rod and reel bulging in my jeans. And so it goes.

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By kevin the one armed boy (Tuesday June 10 2003 @ 08:44AM EDT)

Facts. - Like cheesy windshield wiper settings (that really don't work when you get right down to it) Jeff intermittently tortures me with links to his blog. - I am the father of a 2 year old and a 5 year old. Crap I watch. - Potty Time (video). No, I do not don a potty mask and stick a red rubber ball in my mouth and rub myself with a plunger while watching this. It's a video with reptilian Stepford parents singing to their kids about crapping in the toilet. My personal favorite is "Super Duper Pooper" including such poignant lyrical stylings as "she's the best pooper we know". This video is beyond frightening and I believe it could achieve campus cult status if it ever fell into the wrong hands. - Monsters Inc. I've seen this movie 3,765 times. - Sesame Street. Is there a single white male child in NYC? Do we all need to learn Spanish in order to survive in the US in 2003? Hola Zoey! The fries are burning! OK, it's educational. F.U. PBS. If I want to get all weepy about diversity and tolerance I'll tune into NPR and listen to over-compressed quiet talk. - Spiderman (DVD). Spiderman rules. - Cycling on Outdoor Life Network. OK, my demographic is worthless. As a conspicuous consumer I can only be targeted to purchase potty seats, Pixar movies, a liberal perspective, superhero bedsheets, and outdoor gear. What's my point? F me, I don't know. Tell Jeff to stop bothering me if you don't like it.

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By CBG (Tuesday June 10 2003 @ 10:45AM EDT) Best Reply Ever. [ reply | parent ]

By funkman (Tuesday June 10 2003 @ 09:09AM EDT)

Homer says it best: "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are". Alternatively, if you go for the over 49 (or 40) market, what are we going to see? More drug commercials, drug commercials solving the side effects of the first set of drugs your on, Depends, Cadillac, metamucil, and hover-round.

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By Matt (Tuesday June 10 2003 @ 11:13AM EDT)

I was once a Neilsen "family" (I live alone). Since they took the time to send me five crisp, new dollar bills, I decided to play their game and record my TV viewing. I'm not sure what affect my viewing will have on advertising, but I can't see how it can make it worse. Monday: Boston Public, FOX. A drama from the Ally McBeal dude about an urban Boston high school. Basically an excuse for that "6 of 9" girl to have a real career instead of attending Trek conventions. Oh, and plenty of soft-porn involving underage girls. Tuesday: 24, FOX. I described this before as a show about Elisha Cuthbert's ability to look hot in a tight shirt while stumbling into a life-threatening situation each hour over the course of a day. Plus a sub-plot about Keifer Sutherland fighting terrorists. The bonus is that it is pretty nasty about the lengths the "good guys" (US gov't) will go in order to fight "terrists". Wednesday: Enterprise, UPN. Single-handedly the worst opening-credits song in TV history, but still not a bad show. Rick Berman's vision of the emergence of Terrans into space, stumbling about with good intentions and a lot of naivete. And a hot Vulcan broad whose "uniform" is a skin-tight cat-suit. Sunday: Whatever is on, HBO. Oz, Sopranos, Six Feet Under, The Wire. HBO has the best programs on TV, period. The Wire and Six Feet Under are to NYPD Blue and ER what Gibbon's Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire is to a Gladiator comic-book. Sex & The City and Curb Your Enthusiasm are head and shoulders above anything else claiming to be funny on the other networks, except perhaps Comedy Central's The Daily Show. Mr. Show with Bob and David was the wittiest, most over-the-top, but still funny when baked (hey, that is how HBO advertised it...) sketch comedy since Monty Python's Flying Circus. Of course I recorded all the weeknight programs on my VCR, and would watch them Sunday mornings while laying on the couch, recovering from a night out of trying to get laid. Commercials? I can't remember seeing any.

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By Alex (Tuesday June 10 2003 @ 01:17PM EDT)

The Simpsons are the only show worth seeing on regular TV anymore. Everything else on network tv is crap. I wouldn't know/remember if there's much good on cable apart from the shows mentioned by Matt, since I don't have cable. IMHO, TV in general is pretty big waste of time. Entertaining maybe for a couple hours a week, but there's no good reason for people to spend nearly as much time in front of the tube as is spent working in a single week. And we wonder why there are so many clueless people out there?

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By funkman (Tuesday June 10 2003 @ 02:05PM EDT) huh? [ reply | parent ]

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