For the last hundred thousand years, humans have been turning wolves into dogs. Despite this arduous journey, dogs can still be a pain in the ass. They accutely know the bounds of permissible behavior and too many humans fail to assert alpha. When a two-legged thing lets its guard down, dogs are quick to fill the power vacuum. People who control their dog understand the golden rule: No acting like a wolf!
Back in the day, if you let a wolf in the cave you were pretty much asking for trouble. This was because ... well ... it was pretty much because he was a wolf. "WTF? You just left a wolf in the Zog-damn cave!" It'll be okay, look how cute he is... "He just took a shit on the Zog-damn floor!" Son of a bitch! No acting like a wolf! With that, he was forced to brave the neolithic night, outside with all the other wolves.
A sub-set of wolves learned not to shit on the floor or chew the deer-skin curtains. We call these things dogs. They got to be dogs by following one simple rule: No acting like a wolf! Those who failed that lesson? Let's just say you won't find those things riding in cars. Some of them actually face extinction. Good riddance! Nobody wants a stool pile in the middle of the cave floor.
Some people don't believe in evolution. They're idiots. Dogs evolved to fit an ecological niche. Behavior modification allowed them to reap the benefits of cave life -- steady job, steady food and docile bitches to bang -- but it prevented the one activity in which they excelled: Acting like a wolf. Like many new species before them, dogs adapted. They got cuter.
Wolves aren't cute. So when one started to act like a wolf, cro-magnon man had NO problem bitch-slapping his ass in line. And that was pretty much all the time since they were wolves. Like any species, dogs adapted. They got cuter. That transformation enabled them to get away with shit that used to get them thrown out into the paleolithic winter. Dogs leveraged cute in order to break the One Rule Humans Applied To Them.
Some dogs never got cute. They're tied up beside a little house in the backyard. Every now and then a two-legged thing will give one some attention: "Shut the fsck up!" Science is yet to explain the sizeable quantity of shoes that accumulate by their houses. Hint: Two legged things can throw. And watch your step by those little houses. Apparently uncute dog turds have babies of their own.
Other dogs are really cute. They live in the big house and get away with all kinds of shit. "Aaaaawwww..." He's ripping that pillow to shreds! "Yeah, but look how cute he is..." These dogs are on file at the intergalactic library in the M44 Pleiades Cluster as the dominate species on earth. (I didn't believe it either until I googled it.)
Whenever aliens land in rural Georgia, they collect information about the planet in order to keep the universal baedaker current. So it came as a surprise that dogs were filed as the dominate species of Earth. Rural Georgia is filled with dogs chained to the little those little tiny houses. How do you confuse them for number one? Well it seems Cooter's sister -- you know, the one that went to the University of Georgia -- visited with her English Bulldog. Aliens caught her on film as she walked the animal. It took a shit, she picked it up. The aliens filed the report.
