The UNIX User Network, or usenet, was an early distributed conferencing bulletin board. The system was first implemented in 1979 by Steve Bellovin, a nerd from the University of North Carolina. Using UUCP (Unix-to-Unix Protocol) and a series of shell scripts, he moved messages back and forth between UNC and Duke. From those humble origins, usenet has grown to become the largest decentralized information utility in existence.

Nineteen ninety-four is the year the internet went mainstream. At that time, the original Unix-to-Unix Protocol was phased out in favor of TCP/IP. As a result of this confluence, usenet traffic boomed. An influx of newbies referenced the network as "internet news" as though it was just another AOL entity. Newbie volume helped perpetuate the inaccuracy, an empty-headedness that irked gray-beards to no end. In short order, newbies out-numbered the gray-beards and usenet posts soared in volume. By 1996 the network had grown to over 10,000 groups with a total volume of 500MB a day.

Along with a flood of ignorant newbie messages, the popularization of the internet brought spam to usenet. The first such message was posted in 1994. On January 18 of that fateful year, Clarence L. Thomas IV flooded the network with his foreboding warning, Global Alert For All: Jesus is Coming Soon At the time there were several thousand usenet groups. Thomas sent his messages to every one of them. In usenet jargon, this is known as cross-posting. In some cases this practice is acceptable. Fans of the New York Jets frequently cross-post to the rival Miami Dolphins group and vice-versa. This makes sense as the two topics are related. In general, cross-posters are deemed undesireable. At the 1994 USENIX Unix conference, attendees wore buttons in response to the Thomas spam: "Jesus is coming and he doesn't know how to crosspost."

By the Turn of the Century, usenet was flooded with spam and clueless newbies. These elements rendered a once valueable tool completely worthless. The noise to information ratio had reached an all-time high. Disinformation was widespread. The clueful tired of a fight akin to pushing the ocean back with a broom. They vanished from the network. Noise ruled the day.

The best things are worth fighting for and usenet was no exception. Anti-spam measures were put in place and dedicated platoons of usenet denizens policed their groups. These tireless fighters demanded that posts remain on topic while they incessantly debunked mountains of disinformation. The results have been promising as usenet has undergone a sort of rennaissance. The clueful have returned and some of those early newbies have joined their ranks.

The usenet groups on which I bide my time are technical and well policed. They provide consistently good information and assistance. So a recent crosspost took me by surprise. On comp.lang.c, a usenet group dedicated to the ANSI C programming language, a message appeared with regard to a woman and her dog. It seems bentcajungirl allowed her dog Maggie the opportunity to eat woodworking glue. As any dog owner knows, if there are fifty things in a room and only one can kill your dog, that's the thing in its mouth. In desperation, bentcajungirl messaged rec.woodworking to see if anything could be done to save the animal's life. In an effort to keep the conversation topical, the woodworkers flamed her for an off-topic post. The dog died.

A group of rec.pets.dogs.breeds denizens decided to seek revenge on the callous woodworkers. Its hard to imagine that rec.pets.dogs.breeds can hone the skills necessary for a flame war. How nasty can a bulldogs-are-better-than-pugs debate really get? So the dogs people recruited the best of the best. They enlisted trolls.

A usenet posting designed to provoke a predicted response and ignite a flame war is known as a "troll." Those who fire such barbs are referred to as trolls. Some trolls have wit and they are considered a flippant disturbance. Most people hate trolls. And some people aspire to be troll gods. Mister X falls into the latter category.

Subject:		Want to become a TROLL God?
From:		MysteryManX@yahoo.com
Newsgroups:		alt.usenet.kooks, alt.troll, alt.aol-sucks
Then you have to do the following:
1.	Get a poster to flame with you:
	Troll light
2.	Get a poster to flame with you get fed up and plonk you:
	Troll class1
3.	Get a poster to flame/plonk and then talk shit afterwards:
	Troll class2
4.	Get a poster send threatsvia ICq/IM:
	Troll Master1
5.	Get a poster to send threats via ICQ/IM/usenet/email:
	Troll master2
6.	Get a poster to leave the group:
	Troll supreme1
7.	Get a poster to leave the group/comeback get slapped
	around with anew name and leave again!
	Troll Supreme2
8.	Get a usenet group named in your honor.
9.	All of the above: Troll GOD!
I have all 9 under my belt. Thus, I have obtained my troll status of GOD. Follow those 8 steps and you can acheieve GODHOOD

Note one of the groups in which MisterX resides: alt.troll This is an interesting corner of usenet. The group is comprised of two types, trolls and people who hate them. The trolls in this group will fight a flame war anytime, anywhere. The message board is filled with items such as: Hey! Trollfest in uk.local.yorkshire. Upon receipt, the trolls point their clients to Yorkshire and flame away.

So when a scorned resident from rec.pets.dogs.breeds decided to wreak revenge on the wood workers, he went to alt.troll to enlist support from the best of the best. The trolls came marching one by one, hurrah! hurrah! The trolls came marching one by one, HURRAH! HURRAH! The trolls came marching one by one, the little one stopped to wipe his bum... These masters of the flame war swooped in on the unsuspecting woodworkers. rec.woodworking was cut up and its members decimated. So how good are these guys? I'll let "Pam" explain:

Subject:		Tired of it all
From:		me@kings.net
Newsgroups:		rec.woodworking
I'm almost to the point of unsubscribing to this newsgroup because of all the cross-posts. I've tried to block as many senders as possible, but I miss the good old-fashioned discussions of woodworking..... and I'm not too good at all the fancy filter options. Pam

Okay, maybe contemporary usenet hasn't quite returned to pre-1994, but trust me, it is a lot better than it was in '00.