Victory Declaration! With hostilities winding down in Iraq, Americans were treated to a declaration of victory this week. Given the sudden potential for Iraqi theocracy, the demise of American democracy and the withdrawal of the Infidel from the holy lands of Saudi Arabia, Osama bin Laden was quick to declare, "Praise be to Allah, Victory is mine!" Bin Laden celebrated his triumph by moving all menstrating women to the back of the cave...

How much havoc could an asswipe wreak if an asswipe could wreak havoc?

Database Schmatabase E.F. Codd, the theoretical founder of relational database technology died last week. He was 79. Without his important contributions to the methods by which data is stored and accessed in computers, states would have a more difficult time tracking you down for out-of-state traffic violations, hackers would have nothing from which to steal your credit card information and Oracle's Larry Ellison would be selling filing cabinets for Office Max.

Professional Saddamizers Several economic indicators were released in Iraq this week. While production was actually up for the first time since the United States presented school children with a geography lesson entitled, "Where In The World Is Our Bombs Dropping?" most of those goods were quickly looted.
Even more alarming were the employment figures for April. While a significant number of people were laid off when their offices were obliterated, one occupational category was particularly devastated. Saddam Hussein Look Alikes were plagued with a staggering 100% unemployment rate since the fall of the Iraqi dicatator.