For a period of about three-hundred years Gilligan and the Skipper built statues on Easter Island. Ginger stood around and looked hot. (Don't even tell me that Mary Ann was the hot one. You know Ginger was hotter. With all those adolescent zits, you just thought you had a chance with Mary Ann. [You didn't.]) So from about 1200 to 1500 AD the castaways erected statues with big noses, deep set eyes and protruding cranial ridges. It was the world's first known tribute to Patrick Ewing.

By the mid eighteeth century the statues were beat like "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang. The void was filled by statue toppling, an early precursor of polynesian punk. On Easter Island, fashions tend to remain en vogue and statue toppling was no exception. For over a century, Joey, Johnny, Marky and Dee Dee rode a wave of destruction. The final statue was toppled in 1864 in honor of the end of the American Civil War.

The Dutch sea captain Jacob Roggeveen arrived on the island on Easter Day, 1722. At the time, not toppling statues was still the rage. Everyone was was doing it. Roggeveen landed and found a whole island not toppling statues. Soon other Europeans found their way to Easter Island. Like Roggeveen, they were impressed with the local work ethic. So impressed were the Europeans, they employed many local craftmen as slave laborers.

With the help of European intervention, the population of Easter Island was reduced from well over 10,000 to 111. The remaining Easter Islanders lived quite peacefully until Starbucks invented ghey coffee.

Prior to the proliferation of Starbucks, busy bodies were apt to say, "Oooohh, that's too bitter, I can't drink that." But with ghey coffee on every corner, that sentiment quickly became, "Oooooh, sprinkles, whipped cream and crushed candies... yuuummmmmeeee." Now busy bodies were apt to lie awake at night. Their minds were free to wander. At some point a busy body learned that statues had been toppled on Eater Island, a discovery which coincided with Nova's coverage of that land. Soon the busy bodies had a cause. Coffee must be grown in shade.

Since Starbuck's clientele is comprised mainly of busy bodies, it quickly switched from coffee grown in light to coffee grown in shade. "Aaahhh, sweet vindication...." Soon busy bodies turned their attention back to Easter Island. Statues on the ground must be put back on their feet. Caffeinated busy bodies were the perfect demographic to handle the task.

Westerners have been engaged in a process of Easter Island "preservation." Basically, they are untoppling statues in an effort to "preserve" history. This is so annoying. For one thing, the people who paid for the damn things were the ones who toppled them and one of topplers was champion. They couldn't all topple the same number of statues. Somebody was the best. Putting the statues back on their feet is like unplugging the Pack Man machine and wiping out high score. It is annoying on another level as it demonstrates a busy body tendency to declare one era superior to another. In this case, busy bodies have declared the era of statue building superior to that of statue toppling. Therefore, Patrick Ewing must be resurrected to his pre-topple state. (We'll just forget the toppling ever took place.)