Chicken hawks should not be confused with cowards. Fear is an innate attribute which has helped preserve humanity. It is rational to fear war and the increased possiblity of death. Personally my coat of arms features a cringing chicken. Pussies, or chicken hawks as the New Hampshire Gazette likes to call them, fear war as much as the rest of us. The bellocosity they display in spite of their cowardice is the trait which separates them from the humans.

When they're not advocating military solutions to political problems, chicken hawks engage themselves in the avoidance of the types of missions they advocate. These apostles of war have avoided it by virtue of sore assholes, obesity, and--in the case of missle salesman Frank Gaffney--zits. But what separates the chicken hawks from the masses is their propensity to recommend wars staffed with participants other than themselves and their children.

Take the case of Rush Limbaugh an outspoken proponent of military action against Iraq and quintesscential chicken hawk. When he first came of draft age, the Vietnam War played nightly on television and frankly it looked pretty scary. During the war's 1969-1970 prime time season, Limbaugh held a college deferment by virtue of his enrollment in Southeast Missouri State University. But when college became a little too rough for him, Limbaugh dropped out just as the major networks were re-upping their contracts for the war's return the following season. So Limbaugh did what any advocate of military action would do. He had his doctor write a note indicating that he had a "inoperable pilonidal cyst." This apostle of war avoided Vietnam by virtue of a sore asshole.

But not every chicken hawk is as clearly defined as Rush Limbaugh. What about former president, Bill Clinton? Slick Willie's avoidance of military duty was dubious at best, but is he chicken hawk material? On this regard, I'll defer to the judgement of the New Hampshire Gazette. "He may have launched a few cruise missiles to distract us from a dalliance with a girl half his age, but our judges believe he wasn't bellicose enough to make the cut. Your mileage may vary."

I encourage you to study the chicken hawk database. [see link above.] What you'll find a Who's Who of contemporary war advocates who managed to shirk similar duty in youth. As I've said before, I would have no problem with this war if the Bush daughters led a charge of Senator's sons through the gates of Baghdad. That charge will instead be led by the poor who were promised they would be all that they could be.