The park near my house just put up a sign which reads, ["Please clean up after dog."] FUCK YOU! I always clean up after my dog. My wife and I have an entire closet full of grocery bags that we've saved for defecation collection. The dog won't be able to fill them all in his lifetime. Despite this, the sign installer felt the need to prod me to do that which I was already doing. Suddenly I don't feel like "cleaning up after dog." Next time, I think I'll leave it there. Afterall they assume that I will. Why should I fail to meet expectations?
The doggy doo-doo signs were placed in the middle of a school zone. I know it's a school zone because a sign informs me of this fact as I enter it. ["Entering School Zone"] In other words, ["Your Normal Asshole Behavior Is Deemed Detrimental To Children. STOP IT!"] It seems that everyone invokes the children in an effort to shape the world in their image. We have to police the internet because of the children. You can't do that on TV because children might see it. If a TV network can sell more Tide because it features full frontal nudity, then more power to them. Their job is to make money. It's the parents' job to police a child's media consumption.
I seem to have a fundamental difference of opinion with the sign makers. They seem to think signs are an instruction, an order if you will. I like to think of them as friendly advise from the sign company to you. ["Speed Limit 55"] Well if the road is congested, covered in snow or marked with potholes, then that's probably sound advise. Other than that, 55 is too slow. ["No Parking"] I understand you can't park everywhere. But I see no reason not to take advantage of a perfectly good spot if all the other ones are taken. ["One Way"] Sound advise. Besides that's pretty much the only way my car can move at any given time.
Some signs are courteous. ["Exit"] That's a sign's way of saying, "Psst, over here." I would enjoy that sign more if intrusive government busy bodies didn't mandate its installation. I think government could serve us better than by helping us remember how we came in. They could, for example, find some brown people to drop some bombs on. Oops, they're doing that and mandating exit signs. Maybe Matt was right... they are everywhere.
There is a sign in the breakroom where I work which actually says this: ["An Accident Almost Happened"] Yeah and I almost got pregnant but I was born a man. A comet almost struck the earth but it moved before it could get here. Just pick up your sign, and your dog shit, and go home...
