For the past seven years I've been yelling at New York Jets placekicker, John Hall. Through thick and thin I supported his efforts to kick a funny shaped ball through two upright posts. My motivational techniques were applied in one of two forms:
1. Threats: "You better make this, Hall!!"
2. Rewards: "A big fattie if you make this, Hall!"
(In February 1998, Hall was busted for possession of a marijuana while test driving a Ford Bronco. Not that Krazy cared, "Hey, you want your kicker a little loose.") But John Hall and I had developed a comfortable working relationship. He would go to work and I would pay to watch him work and then I'd yell at him. "Kick it higher, Hall, you moron!" Six of his kicks were blocked in 2002 and I certainly hope that was a franchise record.
The thing is this, football fans hate the God damn kicker. Too frequently the result of a vigorously contested game is determined by a funny looking guy with an ill-fitted helmet. It takes a long time for the average fan to get comfortable with the player at that position--it took me eleven years to stop yelling at Pat Leahy. And when the God damn kicker lines up to attempt a 53 yarder to put you into the playoffs like Hall did two years ago, we prepare ourselves not for celebration, but to yell at him for missing wide right. (Hall made the kick and the Jets advanced.)
Pat Leahy was the kicker of the New York Jets from 1974 to 1991. Prior to free agency kickers tended to stay with an organization for a while. Jim Bakken spent 16 seasons with the Cardinals. Nick Lowery was a Chief for 14 seasons. And the Andersens, Gary and Morton, (not related) each spent 13 seasons in Pittsburgh and New Orleans respectively. Stints of this duration enabled fans the time necessary to develop a good working love-hate relationship with their kicker.
But free agency changed this relational nuance. The aforementioned Lowery, Andersen and Andersen eventually took free agency jobs in other cities. Kickers everywhere now move freely around the NFL. As a result, fans REALLY hate the God damn kicker. Chances are the last big kick they saw him make occured against them.
Jet fans used to be sheltered from the game of musical kickers. Gang Green fans under 35 have really only yelled and Hall and Leahy. (Prior to that they had a pretty good fellow named Jim Turner.) But last Sunday, free agency bit them in the hind quarters when John "You Better Make This" Hall darted New York for Daniel Snyder's fat check in Washington. But as fate would have it, the Jets play the Redskins next season.
"YOU BETTER MISS THIS, HALL!!"
