If I ruled the world, there would be a limit on how much cologne a man could wear in public. A few cologne parts per million is sufficient to let others know that you paid too much for something that really doesn't matter. And as long as men wear too much cologne, we continue to demonstrate our lack of respect for women. To consider plausible the possibility that a woman is going to jump into bed with you at the scent of your musk is to consider her a simpleton.
And science doesn't appear to back the assertion that cologne is even sexually appealing to the fairer sex. Dr. Alan Hirsch of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago found that cologne rates poorly with regard to olfactory arousal of feminine libido. According to this article, women responded favorably to scent of select foods while they responded poorly to men's cologne.
Cologne damages the aroma of food and wine and what limited appeal it does possess is really a matter of personal taste. The dinner companion who's stifling your meal with Paco Rabanne might as well be screaming in your ear. That '96 le Pin can be ruined by smell or by argument. Does it matter?
Heavy cologne wearers and farters are both noxious to the nose, but of the two, farters are preferable. Both are offensive, but not all farts are SBDs. Many are delivered with a noise that is downright humorous and often embarrassing to the deliverer. So while the innocent are made to suffer as the fumes of doom dissipate, they can at least pass the time with a chuckle or two.
Unlike a fart, high doses of cologne are applied as a premeditated attempt to assault the nasal cavity of the innocent. My second act as leader of the world would be to commission a study to determine an acceptable level of cologne in parts per million, then I'd codify it and then I would enforce it under penalty of a public shower. But first, I'd commission a study to determine what--if any--correllation exists between high cologne volume and Corvette ownership. (I'll bet it's pretty high.)
