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Duct Tape and Plastic? It's A Date - The War On...
Posted by Jeff (Wednesday February 12 2003 @ 02:54PM EST)
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According to published reports, successful lobbying efforts on behalf of the Duct Tape and Sheet Plastics industries have channeled hundreds of dollars from the pockets of scared sh!tless Americans into the coffers of Lehman's Hardware and Appliances of Kidron, Ohio. The windfall, the likes of which haven't been known in Kidron since the government scared Americans sh!tless with reports of elevators misbehaving on New Years Day 2000, will be used to fund a new fallout shelter the likes of which haven't been seen in Kidron since the Eisehower administration scared Americans sh!tless with threats that the Russians--then known as Soviets--were prepared to bomb the crap out of them.
The duct tape and sheet plastic buying spree was initiated soon after Americans were warned to stockpile three days worth of food and water and keep plenty of tape and plastic to seal off a room in the event of a terrorist activity. The alert was issued by the newly created Curb Domestic Unrest By Keeping Americans Locked In Their Rooms Department.
Coupled with the terrorist-event supply buying recommendation, the Department of Homeland Security, sensing that Americans weren't quite scared sh!tless enough, issued an alert that it was changing its website from yellow to orange. When the website is orange, Americans are supposed to coordinate armed forces efforts, cancel public events and disperse their work forces. You don't know what that means and the lack of clarity is scaring the sh!t out of you? Good. You're doing your job...
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Enlighten me, Marge
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The most formidable weapon against errors of any kind is reason.
-- Thomas Paine
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We Did Our Job!
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